


At Least I Got You in My Head

by naegkawa (HazeleyeandHermione)



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: F/F, Oneshot, Pining, i dont support jandi its just a plot device, if you want more i can make more i guess, jandi is there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-07
Updated: 2018-08-07
Packaged: 2019-06-23 06:23:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15600243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HazeleyeandHermione/pseuds/naegkawa
Summary: Buffy has a best friend, Andi. She dreams a lot about holding her hand... petting her hair... kissing her endlessly... you know, friendship stuff.





	At Least I Got You in My Head

Buffy hated goodbyes. She despised how each individual party tried to choke back their tears until the other rolled out of sight, only to fall into a cavern of sorrow the moment the two split. She hated the last memories of someone being sadness and mourning; the uncertainty of return. What she hated most of all was how often she had to say goodbye. Every time her mother was deployed, Buffy put on a mask of strength and refused to cry. Her mother asked her to be strong; seeing her cry, Buffy thought, would be contradictory to those wishes.

She  _ wasn’t  _ strong. The girl simply couldn’t muster the strength and courage to be able to wish her dearest friends goodbye before she left for Phoenix by command of her mother’s career. So, she simply didn’t. She avoided the goodbye and everything that came after it.

Buffy had gone two months without contacting either of her two best friends. Then, thanks to a shittily planned budget, her mother’s program had gotten cut. Who cares about the health and welfare of soldiers’ families anyway, right?? She arrived back in Shadyside and immediately tried to figure out how the hell she was going to apologize to Andi and Cyrus for abandoning them.

She went to Andi’s house and rapped on the door, anxiously anticipating how she might feel when she saw Buffy appear once again out of nowhere. Would she be ecstatic or angry at her for cutting off all contact? She  _ prayed  _ that Andi would feel too overjoyed at seeing her again to truly be angry with her.

There was no response to her knocking. A little bit of anxiety swirled in her stomach. Bex’s motorcycle was nowhere to be seen. Perhaps she just wasn’t home. Her phone lit up. Another call from Andi. She rejected the call; too afraid or nervous to talk to her now. A notification of a new voicemail popped up.

Buffy sat on the porch and listened to the sadness in Andi’s voice. It had been two months and she was still heartbroken (in all fairness, so was Buffy until she stepped foot back in Shadyside once more). Buffy was listening to another voicemail from Andi (a habit she had picked up, when she dearly missed her best friend’s voice) when she noticed the sound of footsteps and the sweetly familiar sound of Andi Mack’s voice.

“Sorry, I’m listening to a voicemail from my best friend,” Buffy responded once she knew Andi had seen her. “One sec.”

Andi looked so happy that tears were welling up in her deep brown eyes. “Buffy!” was all she could manage to muster before the two embraced. It was the first time they had hugged in so long. Buffy didn’t realize someone could be so touch starved without knowing it.

She felt her heart race as Andi hugged her. This was nothing new. Her heart always raced when she hugged Andi, or when Andi would playfully touch her hair, or when she wrapped an arm around her lovingly. You know, friendship stuff. Buffy thought nothing of it; it was normal to feel that way about your best friend after all.

The two talked and talked about her life in Phoenix and why she had returned. Andi, luckily, didn’t seem all too disgruntled with her behavior. Buffy passed this up to her being too preoccupied with the happiness and excitement that was swirling in the atmosphere.

“I’m so glad you’re back! I mean, I’m not so glad for the budget cuts to help the soldiers’ families  _ but  _ it brought you here again! I missed you  _ so  _ much. You have no idea what’s been happening,” Andi rambled on and on, her exhilaration causing her words to jumble together do to the speed at which she was speaking.

Buffy gave her a soft smile and rolled her eyes. “I’m sure you can tell me later about all of the ways you and Jonah have failed to communicate over the past two months; I wanna talk to Cyrus. Any idea where he would be?”

Andi gave a small pout before she continued speaking. Buffy’s eyes drifted to the pretty pink color of her lips as she spoke. “First of all, just because I can’t speak to Jonah about  _ anything  _ doesn’t mean your comments don’t hurt any less. Second of all, if he’s not  _ avoiding  _ Jonah and I by going on rendez-vous with TJ, he should be home. Send him a text.”

“I haven’t talked to him in two months. A text out of nowhere would be too suspicious. I want to  _ surprise  _ him, Andi. You send him a text,” Buffy retorted. “It’s not like you’re texting Jonah or anything.”

“Again! Hurtful!” Andi sulked, taking out her phone to shoot Cyrus a message. “Here’s to hoping he shows up  _ without  _ TJ. I doubt that’s one of the first people you want to see when you come back.”

Buffy giggled at her comment. “That’s true enough. Although I would  _ kill  _ to see the look on his face when he sees me. I’m imagining shock and horror with a  _ tiny  _ bit of guilt thrown in.”

“Maybe more than a tiny bit,” Andi replied. “He apologized to time capsule you. Granted, it was because he wanted to sit down and talk to Cyrus and I wouldn’t let him  _ but  _ his time capsule apology sounded sincere enough.”

“I still can’t believe that out of  _ all  _ of the people Cyrus could have befriended, he chooses to cope with me moving by becoming even  _ closer  _ to TJ,” Buffy rolled her eyes as she heard the ding of Andi’s phone.

“It’s Cyrus! He said he was just home alone in a pit of self-deprecation. I told him to meet me at the Spoon in 20. Does that work for you?”  
Buffy nodded. “God, I miss baby taters. I couldn’t find a diner I liked as much as the Spoon in Phoenix. It was majorly depressing. We should head out though if we want to get there before him.”

The two walked hand in hand to the Spoon, still chatting amicably. Andi, at this point, took the opportunity to complain about her Jonah situation.  _ Why doesn’t she just give up on him?  _ Buffy asked herself as she had done at least a hundred times before. The two seemed to struggle endlessly with talking to one another and that’s what relationships were centered around, right? Talking to one another.

They arrived at the Spoon (luckily) before Cyrus. This gave Buffy the perfect opportunity to hide in the back with her time capsule self to wait until the perfect moment arrived. Cyrus’s reaction to seeing her was priceless; she missed him dearly. They sat down at The Spoon and caught up on each other’s lives.

In the midst of his ecstasy, Cyrus had treated each table to a basket of baby taters. He shrugged off the financial irresponsibility as a perfectly reasonable reaction the situation. Somehow, Buffy couldn’t find a way to justify spending $60 on baby taters in a single sitting.

Despite yearning to spend forever with the two of them, the good hair crew parted ways after their reconnection; Buffy still had a lot of unpacking to do, after all. Granted, most of her boxes from the move to Phoenix had never really been fully  _ unpacked.  _ It made packing up to  remove much easier, except now she wasn’t quite sure where most things were. However, resting on top of the (mostly empty) dresser was a cutely decorated box. It was decorated in a whimsically childish way. Buffy had taken care not to lose this box; she wanted to keep it forever.

She had plans to see Andi and Cyrus the next day (god, how she missed their daily hangouts) but she found herself anxiously waiting until then. Luckily, she was the type of person who could channel her anxious energy into productive action. In the span of this night, she had managed to unpack, fold and put away all of her clothes and had started unpacking a decent amount of her personal belongings and knickknacks. She took reasonable breaks, of course, to text her friend’s back (Andi had currently been blowing up her phone with even more questions about Phoenix). 

Buffy had had difficulty sleeping that night; excited to see what the next day had in store for them. Moreso, she was simply thrilled to have returned. She woke up rather early, especially considering the time she had finally drifted into sleep. 

Now, she had to wait for Andi to text her to give her the ok to come over. Most likely, she was still asleep. Or preoccupied with some Jonah task. The thought of it caused Buffy’s stomach to feel like it was twisting in on itself; she shrugged the feeling off. She probably just needed to eat breakfast.

She was almost through eating her second piece of nutella toast when her phone lit up with a text from Andi.

**Andi:** hey! ur good to come over whenever u want now! I was dealing w a totem bracelet.

**Me:** a what

**Andi:** long story ill explain when u get here?

**Me:** I’ll leave in a bit

**Andi:** great !! <33333

Buffy, in her state of manic anxiety, had actually preplanned an outfit. Sure, it wasn’t anything different from what she typically wore, but it was different than her usual state of grabbing something out of her closet and finding something that at least kind of matched. She practically raced over to Andi’s once she was ready. 

“Oh, hey Buffy!” Andi smiled at her, fiddling with a black beaded bracelet in her hands. “You’re wearing lipgloss. You never do that.”

“I am? Huh, I guess I am. I wasn’t really thinking of it. Something I started doing in Phoenix, I guess,” Buffy replied. This was a lie and she knew it; she didn’t really wear lipgloss in Phoenix. She didn’t know why she felt the need to lie about it though. “You’re wearing it too.”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Andi gave another sheepish grin, still fiddling with the bracelet. “I guess I’m just nervous. I want to give Jonah the bracelet back.”

“Ah,” Buffy raised an eyebrow. “The mystical totem bracelet. I didn’t realize you had the ability to put magic into your crafts. Color me impressed, Andi Mack.”

The other girl rolled her eyes. “I guess I’m a witch then. It’s just a superstition thing. I feel like the bracelet has meaning to it; it’s a symbol for my communication with Jonah.”

“If it were a symbol for your communication with Jonah, the bracelet wouldn’t exist, sweetheart,” Buffy poked fun at her, but it caused Andi’s expression to grow sullen. “Hey, don’t give me that face. You know what I meant.”

“I know,” she let out a dejected sigh. “I just hope Bex is right…”

Bex had suggested asking Jonah to come and open the time capsule. Buffy was offended; she was  _ stronger  _ than he was, after all. Why would he know how to do it? It then clicked that it was an excuse for Andi to have Jonah over. It made much more sense.

Buffy was… genuinely surprised when she heard about all of the ideas Jonah had had for her time capsule. He knew her oddly well; it was nice. Part of her wanted to open it just to see if they were lying about TJ signing the ball, or if it were some forgery. How had he even managed to do that?

The mention of Marty threw her off. He had given her… shoelaces. She smiled at the thought. A large part of her wished they could have stayed friends after she turned him down, but perhaps it simply wasn’t meant to be. The worst part was she couldn’t even name what she didn’t like about him. Marty seemed to be the perfect fit for her she just… didn’t.

“I hope he has a girlfriend,” Buffy said after giving it some thought.

“He does,” Andi replied nonchalantly. Had she been keeping tabs on him?

“He  _ does? _ ” Buffy mocked offense. Well, half-mocked. Part of her genuinely wanted to see him pining over her. “It should have taken him at least a little longer to get over me.”

Andi leaned closer into her, the corners of her mouth turned up slightly. “If it’s any consolation… I never would have,” there it was. The pounding heartbeat again. “Cyrus either,” she added at the end. Buffy wasn’t sure if she was imagining the slight pink hue to her cheeks or not.

When they decided against opening up the time capsule after all, this led to Andi needing to come up with a completely different excuse to text Jonah in order to give him the bracelet. Buffy didn’t understand why she couldn’t just say what was on her mind, but she supposed she just didn’t understand the nuances of relationships.

Buffy gave up with trying to get Andi to do anything related to talking to Jonah and texted him herself. She hadn’t seen him since before she moved away, after all. Part of her felt like she should genuinely thank him for his idea.

Andi and Jonah went onto the porch to talk, Buffy and Cyrus watching through the blinds. Buffy felt her stomach twist into that horrible knot again as she watched them interact. Andi wrapped the bracelet around his wrist. Buffy looked over at Cyrus, hoping to see how he was feeling.

“I’m so happy for Andi. For real this time,” he said. He sounded calm and relieved. Buffy didn’t comprehend. He knew he didn’t need to put on such a brave face for her. Yet, here he was. Smiley and carefree.

“It’s okay if you’re not,” Buffy replied.  _ I’m not sure if I am. I don’t even know why.  _

“I am. Really,” he reassured her.

“That’s great! If you ever feel like talking about it though”

“Buffy,” he looked at her with an expression of calm happiness. “My crush on Jonah? It’s gone.”

Cyrus didn’t like Jonah anymore? Buffy wouldn’t have predicted that. When she left for Phoenix, he was still devastated over Jonah and Andi kissing in front of him. Time did heal all wounds, she supposed. “When did that happen?”

“I can’t say exactly when it ended,” he tried to explain. “Today is when I realized. Jonah tried out for an elite Ultimate team and didn’t make it-- which he probably wouldn’t want me telling you about!”

Buffy rolled her eyes. In the realm of the entire conversation she and Cyrus were having, the frisbee team was the last thing on her mind. “It couldn’t be more irrelevant,” she sighed and motioned him to continue.

“Well, he was upset so we hugged which  _ used  _ to make my heart go BABOOM-BABOOM-BABOOM,” he mimicked a racing heart. Buffy furrowed her brows. Wasn’t that normal? Didn’t everyone’s heartbeat quicken when they hugged their best friend? Her heart beat like that when Andi made any physical contact with her. It didn’t mean she  _ liked  _ Andi or anything… right? Shit. 

Cyrus continued speaking. “But this time, it was more like ba-boom, ba-boom, ba-boom,” he mimicked a slower, more steady heartbeat.

Maybe the feelings Buffy had for Andi weren’t just friendship after all. She had a crush on her. “So your crush…it just disappeared?”

Cyrus shrugged. “Not disappeared. More like changed… to friendship. It was my first crush; I don’t know how they work. And I can’t ask you because you haven’t had one either…”

“I haven’t?” Buffy retorted before  _ immediately  _ regretting it. She only now just realized that she’s been in love with her best friend and now she accidentally just blurted that out in front of Cyrus.

“What was that?”

“Nothing!”

“Have you had a crush?” his face lit up with curiosity. Buffy really wanted nothing more than to swallow her words.

“I haven’t…  _ had  _ a crush,” she didn’t make eye contact with him. It was scary and embarrassing. Sure, Cyrus was gay but it was different. She was in love with their best friend. It was… different.

“You  _ have  _ a crush. Are you telling me that as I live and breathe,  _ the  _ Buffy Driscoll has a crush?” Cyrus looked like he was practically going to burst from the excitement.

“It’s brand new… it just happened,” her face grew soft and her cheeks darkened. The statement was a half-truth. She knew now she had had this crush for a long time; her  _ discovering  _ it was brand new. Luckily her blush wasn’t incredibly apparent on her darker complexion. She felt like she would look like a freshly picked tomato.

“Tell me everything, starting with who, now! Go!” Cyrus was practically about to leap out of his seat from the excitement of her recent discovery. Buffy only  _ wished  _ she felt that same excitement. Instead, she felt nerves and dread. A lot of dread.

The conversation was interrupted by Bex, who apologized for interrupting her daughter and her new boyfriend’s chat on the porch.  _ Saved by the Bex, _ Buffy commented to herself, ignoring the death glare Cyrus was giving her. All the poor woman wanted to do was give them some chocolate covered pretzels.

Andi and Jonah walked back into the house hand-in-hand. Andi had a big soft smile on her face and it caused the butterflies in Buffy’s stomach to dance and flutter about. She looked at Jonah, who had the slight imprint of pink lipgloss on his cheek.

“I should go,” Buffy cleared her throat. “I have to figure out where I’m gonna put Time Capsule Buffy. Thanks for the instructions by the way, Jonah. And the idea in general. It was sweet.”

“I’ll help you,” Cyrus replied. Buffy wanted to avoid this conversation but she supposed she had no choice. He was persistent. She left, Time Capsule Buffy in hand, and Cyrus following closely behind her.

“You don’t have to follow me home, you know,” Buffy told him, her voice a little harsher than she intended it to be. She watched Cyrus’s face fall; he looked like a wounded deer… Buffy felt guilty, she wasn’t going to lie. “I just didn’t want to intrude on Andi and Jonah’s time together any longer.”

Cyrus nodded. “You could always drop off good old TCB and then come over to my house for a bit! I think my mom wants to  _ physically  _ see that you’re back. She won’t believe me otherwise.”

Buffy cocked an eyebrow quizzically. “Why wouldn’t she believe you saying I’m back?”

Cyrus let out a nervous laugh. “It’s a… story. To make a long story short, I missed you  _ a lot.  _ And sometimes would imagine that you did come back. Or would, like, actually see you there.”

“Ah, so your mom wants to make sure you’re not  _ crazy  _ this time.”

“Hey!” Cyrus folded his arms and pouted. “I was coping with a very tough time! I’m not the one who ghosted her best friends for  _ two whole months _ .”

“...Fair point,” Buffy sighed. “Your house?”

Buffy knew what going to Cyrus’s house was going to entail. He was going to spend this time trying to crack down on who her crush was. Part of her prayed that Cyrus wasn’t going to guess that Buffy had any romantic interest in girls. The other part of her kind of wanted him to guess so she wasn’t… alone.

Lo and behold, her predictions had been right. Buffy was sprawled out on his couch while Cyrus was pacing back and forth, holding a yearbook for Jefferson Middle School, listing names.

“Well, there are a few guys I feel like it’s safe to rule out,” he began. “I doubt you’d have a crush on Marty at this point and the day you have a crush on TJ is the day that pigs fly.”

Buffy scoffed. “God, can you  _ imagine  _ anyone being able to have a crush on Toxic TJ Kippen? I’d sooner eat nails than even think about kissing him.”

A strange, high-pitched nervous giggle came out of Cyrus. “Yeah… weird, right?” he laughed awkwardly. “But, like, he’s not  _ that  _ bad of a guy and he’s kind of cute if you think about it. But, like, obviously I know  _ you  _ would never like him like that.”

“Wow, I can see why the crush on  _ Jonah  _ has disappeared,” Buffy teased. “You really need a better taste in men, Cyrus.”

His face flushed. “ _ First of all _ , I don’t like what you’re implying. TJ is just a very nice, very cute friend of mine.  _ Second  _ of all, my crushes are  _ not  _ the subject of this conversation. So, not Marty and not TJ… is it anyone on the basketball team?”

Buffy shook her head. “Nope.”

“Track?”

“Nada.”

“Ughhh. Can I get a  _ hint  _ as to who he is? There are too many guys at this school for me to list them all mindlessly,” Cyrus groaned.

“You’re the one who’s dying to guess. I’m not going to make this  _ easier  _ for you,” Buffy scoffed.  _ Guessing the boys will get you nowhere very, very slowly.  _ “How would that benefit me in any way?”

Cyrus thumbed through the yearbook again. Buffy slouched back into the couch. He continued listing boys, Buffy kept saying no. It was becoming monotonous work after a while. She could tell both of them were getting tired of it. Maybe he would give up.

“Ryan Dilmore!” Cyrus suggested.

“Nope.”

“Lucas Sarno.”

“Nope,” she sighed, focusing on the pattern of the spackled ceiling more than the names of the boys that Cyrus was saying.

“Dave Schnepper?”

Buffy looked at him in mock offense and genuine confusion. “The Schnep? Ugh, are you kidding me?” Cyrus was met with another eyeroll.

Cyrus shut the yearbook and groaned, growing more and more impatient with his guessing game. “This isn’t fair! I told you  _ my  _ crush and you  _ know  _ how difficult that was!”

Buffy thought back to when Cyrus first came out to her. He told her about his jealousy and his crush on Jonah. He looked so afraid and nervous to say anything. She had been the first person to know; she was still one of the only people to know. His trust in her meant a lot. Buffy still shook her head. “This is… different.”

Cyrus seemed a little taken aback by her response, as if he weren’t expecting that response from her. “How is it different?”

_ Jonah hasn’t been our best friend for half of our lives,  _ Buffy remarked to herself. She couldn’t tell him that. Not now. “I don’t know! It just is! Anyway, it doesn’t matter because nothing is going to happen.”

“It still matters,” Cyrus responded to her, a soft smile on his face. “It’s your first crush! And we’re crush buddies! We only tell each other. We don’t  _ tell  _ anyone else.”

Buffy took a deep breath. Cyrus being there for her no matter what helped assuage some of her fears, though the thought of saying that she liked Andi herself still frightened her. “Not even Andi.”

Cyrus raised an eyebrow. This was a game-changer in the guessing game he was playing with her. “Oooh! I can’t tell Andi… why can’t I tell Andi?”

The nerves started to climb again. Buffy felt her palms get sweaty; she only hoped the excessive perspiration wasn’t noticeable to anyone but her. “I’ve said too much already.”

Cyrus flipped through the pages of the yearbook again and found what he was looking for. “Is it because it’s  _ him _ ?” he asked, pointing to a picture of Jonah Beck.

Buffy wished she could have liked Jonah. It would have made things so much more simpler. She didn’t look Cyrus in the eye as she spoke. “Yeah… let’s go with that.”

“Be honest with me, Buffy Driscoll,” Cyrus continued flipping through the pages. “It’s not Jonah. You don’t want to tell Andi because your crush is on  _ her _ .”

His finger landed on Andi’s yearbook photo. Buffy felt her heartbeat quicken. She wanted to vomit. “Umm… I… uh…” she didn’t try to speak after her stammering. She only nodded. “Yeah.”

Cyrus smiled at her. “God, I’m so  _ stupid.  _ How could I be so heteronormative when it’s been right in front of me? My best friend has a crush on a  _ girl  _ and I didn’t know! Hand me my phone, I’m calling Iris. I’m straight again! I’m revoking my own gay card!”

“Don’t be overdramatic, Cyrus,” Buffy told him. “I only just realized it. I didn’t expect you to. But, like I said, nothing’s going to come of it. It’s just… there. Like it’s always been. Only now I know it’s there. And it hurts a  _ lot  _ more.”

“Hey,” Cyrus placed a hand on her shoulder. “I was okay. You’re gonna be okay too. You helped me when I was heartbroken over Jonah; I’m going to help you through this thing with Andi. I’ve got you. Crush buddies?”

He extended his pinky finger, like a child would do. They hadn’t made a pinky promise in a long while; the nostalgia filled her with warmth. Buffy took his pinky in hers and shook. “Crush buddies.”

\----

Buffy had left Cyrus’s house in a much better mindset. His mom decided to drive the two home since it was getting dark. However, Cyrus’s mother was  _ also  _ the kind of person who could never simply drop her son off anywhere without having a twenty minute conversation with his friend’s parents. She  _ was  _ a horrid gossip.

So, Cyrus was in Buffy’s room, fiddling with her unboxed possessions. He could never learn to stay still, could he? It was then he opened the box left on top of her dresser.

“Cyrus, be careful with that!” she hissed. “It’s… important,” she spoke without looking at him. Inside the box was a collection of different assorted crafts. They were all Andi Mack originals, spanning throughout years.

“This box… are these all of the things that Andi has made for you?” Cyrus asked, holding a small friendship bracelet in his hand. It wasn’t long enough to wrap around either of their wrists now. “These are our friendship bracelets from when we first became friends… I lost mine after it aggravated my skin. That or my mom threw it away for my own good. But you kept it.”

Buffy furrowed her brows. “Of course I kept it. It was the first thing she made for me. And not  _ everything  _ she’s ever made me is in the box. There’s a hair care set from when I tried to straighten it once and other things that are too big to fit in the box. I just… don’t want to lose something that she put time into for me.”

“You’ve got it  _ bad _ , Buffy Driscoll. You have for a long time, huh?”

“Don’t look at me, Cyrus! I thought it was normal friendship feelings to feel like you’re heart is beating out of your chest whenever you hug!” she laughed. “I guess I’ve felt that way about her for a  _ really  _ long time. I just never thought of it like that.”

Buffy’s phone started ringing; she recognized the ringtone as the one she had set for Andi immediately and answered it. “Hey, Andi, what’s up?” she playfully slapped Cyrus on the shoulder to get him to stop making teasingly playful kissy faces.

“You’re not going to  _ believe  _ what just happened at Cece and Pops’s house… It’s a whole story. I just don’t really want to be around any of them right now,  _ including  _ Bex. Is it okay if I come over your place for a bit?”

Cyrus nodded enthusiastically and gestured Buffy to continue. “Yeah… let me just ask my mom but it should be fine. Do you think Bex would be okay with you spending the night? I mean, it’s already kind of late.”

“Bex  _ suggested  _ I spend the night out. It was messy. Dumplings were  _ everywhere _ ,” Andi told her. “Text me when she answers; I’ll pack my stuff. Love you, bye!”

“I’ll drag my mom out of the kitchen. Help save your mother from listening to anymore of her gossip,” Cyrus smiled. “Enjoy your girls’ night with  _ Andi _ ,” he teased.

“Shut up. I wasn’t  _ nearly  _ this mean to you when you had a crush on Jonah!” Buffy protested. “I feel like you’re not being fair to me, Cyrus.”

“Oh, you were  _ much  _ meaner. You practically called me a coward for trying to focus on being happy for Andi and Jonah and said that I ought to tell Andi,” Cyrus said in a matter-of-fact kind of voice. “ _ If  _ I have my memory right, which I’m pretty sure I do.”

Cyrus had departed and Buffy’s mother had given her the approval to have Andi sleep over. It was good for Buffy to reconnect with her friends after being away for so long, Pat had said to her. She was glad her daughter was readjusting well.

A little while after sending the text out, the doorbell rang. Buffy practically  _ leaped  _ out of her seat to answer the door. Sprinting and stopping as to not seem so out of breath and nervous, she calmly opened the door to see Andi there, standing with a bag and a fluffy pillow in her hands.

“You’re  _ not  _ going to believe the family dinner I just had,” Andi sighed, walking right in as if it were her own home. “Hi, Mrs. Driscoll!  _ Anyway _ , Pops, Bex, and I were making dumplings for dinner and then, after we make a  _ wonderful  _ dinner together, he just springs it on us that he’s leaving!”

As she finished her sentence, she flopped down on Buffy’s bed, tossing her bag onto the floor. “I mean can you  _ believe  _ that? He’s just going to India for a few weeks and then he has no clue where he’s going after that! What if something  _ happens  _ to him? Why didn’t he think of us before just leaving?”

Buffy saw how upset Andi was and sat down next to her, wrapping an arm around her narrow shoulders. She pulled her closer to her and stroked her hair, trying to help her calm down despite the fact that her racing heart only quickened when Andi placed her head on her shoulder. “Wow… so, he’s just leaving like that?”

Andi nodded, still leaned against her. “He says it’s the perfect time to do it. He doesn’t think he’s needed. I’m busy with school and friends and Jonah and Mom and Cece are busy with Cloud Ten so he thinks it’s an excellent time… I just didn’t think he  _ wanted  _ to go. He didn’t even tell Cece until dinner tonight that he was going. So we had to stay for  _ that _ .”

Buffy’s eyes widened with an expression that could best be described as pure, unbridled terror. “He didn’t tell Cece until tonight? Yikes… how did  _ that  _ go?”

Andi winced before speaking, so Buffy took that as a  _ phenomenal  _ sign. “Well, we were hoping the dumplings would soften the blow. Except Pops told her before we ate! So we ate dumplings in bitter, angry silence. It was horrible. The passive aggression was  _ seeping  _ out of Cece’s pores.”

“Ouch,” Buffy gave her a gentle, reaffirming squeeze. “What made it so bad that you left Bex alone at the house to be here?”

“I could tell she was angry and wanted to simmer…  _ alone _ ,” Andi laughed nervously. “She enjoys simmering on anger sometimes. The dinner just… did not go well. I’m not sure if she’s mad at Pops or Cece or both? It’s so confusing. Adults are so complicated.”

She flopped down and laid her head in Buffy’s lap, her eyes fixed on the little stars Buffy had attached to her ceiling. Buffy continued to play with her hair. It was so smooth and soft, she felt as if she could run her fingers through it forever. “I feel you. I don’t understand them sometimes. But hey, look at the bright side of today’s events. You and Jonah are official!”

Andi let out a soft, somewhat goofy smile. “Yeah, we are,” she replied. Buffy tried to ignore the knot of jealousy twisting in her stomach and instead tried to focus on how cute Andi was when she was happy. How deeply she wished  _ she  _ could be the one who made Andi happy instead of Jonah, but some things just weren’t meant to be, she supposed.

“It’s exciting news, isn’t it?” Buffy didn’t want to look at her face in fear that Andi would see the sadness in her eyes. Telling Andi she had a crush on her was perhaps the scariest thought she had in quite some time.

“Yeah, it’s just strange. I mean, I thought I was getting  _ over  _ Jonah and now we’re dating and I’m happy,” Andi sat up from Buffy’s lap. “But, like, I still feel weird about Walker. It’s  _ so  _ hard. Be lucky you don’t have a crush on anyone, Buffy.”

For some reason, that sentence hit Buffy hard. She felt the unintentional wound of Andi’s wounds deeply and bit her lip to prevent herself from accidentally saying something like she did with Cyrus. Accidentally revealing herself to Andi would be catastrophic.

“You know, I feel kind of bad for Marty,” Andi told her after a few seconds of silence. “I imagine it must be impossible to try to get over someone as amazing as you.”

Buffy felt her cheeks grow warm again. It’s like Andi was doing this to her on  _ purpose _ . “I mean, I am quite the catch,” she said with a confident smile and a flick of her curly, dark hair. “I don’t know why anyone would  _ want  _ to get over the Buffy Driscoll.”

Andi laughed. “You really are a catch.”

The two girls continued to talk and with each playful touch, Buffy felt the same rush. What she hated was that she was now cognizant of it all, so it was impossible to ignore. Cyrus was right; she had it  _ bad _ . Goddammit. She just wanted to exist in peace with her best friend. Instead, her heart decided to run a marathon every time her hand so much as brushed her shoulder. Crushes sucked.

Eventually, the night rose to an ungodly hour and they both began to grow tired. This was signalled by Andi’s yawning at first. Buffy suggested they should both go to bed since she was near exhaustion herself.

“I need to shower first. It’s okay if I use your shower still, right?” she asked.

“Oh, yeah, of course. We haven’t changed where we kept the towels. I’m pretty sure they’re unpacked. My mom and dad are quicker to unpack than I am, at least,” she told her. When Andi left the room, Buffy took the opportunity to check her phone. She had been so deeply invested in the conversation (and staring at the tiny features of her face) that she had been neglecting her notifications. She opened a text from Cyrus.

**Cyrus:** hey i have a playlist for you if ur ever feeling sad gay and emotional over ur crush. Got me through rough times with jonah.

Attached to the text was a link. Buffy put in a pair of earbuds and clicked the link because, hey, she was feeling gay and emotional. Her phone opened to a playlist appropriately titled  _ Sad Gay Hours _ and she just sighed and clicked shuffle play. This is what her life had come to. Listening to Hayley Kiyoko’s  _ Sleepover  _ and pining over the fact that her best friend that she was in love with would never return the feelings.  _ God  _ this song was relatable.

She had been listening to the playlist and wallowing in her state of lesbian depression for a good fifteen to twenty minutes before Andi came into her room in her pajamas, her hair still wet from the shower. Buffy snapped out of her mood, yanking the earbuds out and sitting up straight.

“I just had to grab my toothbrush and dental floss… you good?” Andi cocked an eyebrow. “You seemed a little strange when I walked in.”

“Oh, don’t worry. I was just deeply invested in this podcast,” Buffy responded quickly. “You startled me when you walked in.”

“Since when do you listen to  _ podcasts? _ I thought you said you hated them,” it was relatively obvious that Andi didn’t believe her excuse. 

“I realized they were good to listen to when working out?” Buffy shrugged. That was a shitty excuse and she knew it. 

“Sure,” Andi rolled her eyes and grabbed her excessive oral hygiene supplies from her bag. “I’ll be back in a bit. Don’t forget to brush your teeth too. It’s important!”

Buffy laughed. She swore Andi could be the poster child for dental care. She went into the bathroom following Andi and brushed her teeth relatively quickly, spat once in the sink, and headed back to her room. It would take Andi another four minutes to finish up her routine. 

Buffy snuggled under the blankets, waiting for Andi to come in before she would actually fall asleep. Andi finally arrived and climbed into Buffy’s bed with her pillow. Buffy rolled over to face her.

“Why do you have the pillow? My bed has  _ tons  _ of pillows already. I don’t think your neck needs that much support,” she teased.

“I just like something to hug at night and I didn’t want to risk leaving one of my precious stuffed animals at your house. I’d  _ never  _ see it again. Remember my virtual pet?”

“May he rest in peace,” Buffy added with a giggle. “I guess that makes sense. I could have  _ lent  _ you a pillow, but I won’t argue over it.”

“Thank you,” Andi rolled over to fall asleep. Buffy attempted but was kept awake by her thoughts. Eventually, the calm, steady, slow breathing emitting from Andi let Buffy know she was soundly sleeping.

Sometime later, when Buffy was still fixating on an unfixed spot in the darkness, Andi had rolled over and replaced the pillow she was hugging with Buffy. Her legs fit in the curve of Buffy’s so nicely. The feeling of Andi’s arms around her felt so  _ right _ . Buffy worried that the thunderous pounding of her beating heart would be loud enough to wake her friend. 

Buffy was so overwhelmed by the sensation of Andi cuddled up next to her and the pounding of her heart that sleeping seemed impossible. Her mind then drifted to the fact that this moment was barely real. Andi would never actually like her. She felt… alone, despite her crush being right next to her. It wasn’t  _ how  _ she wanted it. She thought about the lipgloss and how pretty it made Andi’s already pink lips; how she wanted to kiss those lips.

The presence of Andi against her was slow torture because she  _ knew  _ it was never going to romantic. She closed her eyes, and tried to focus on the feeling of Andi next to her. She let herself drift to more pleasant thoughts. Daydreams of sweet, summer kisses and holding hands on walks. It was such a bittersweet ache in Buffy’s chest, these fantasies of affectionate nuzzles and trails of kisses that would never be. She dozed off, still lost in the thoughts she retained in her head.

When they woke, Andi was still wrapped around her. Buffy woke up a little bit before Andi. In her trying to get up, she winded up stirring her companion awake. Andi, who quickly realized she had been spooning Buffy all night long, covered her face with her hands.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I thought I was hugging the pillow I brought!” she squeaked in embarrassment, not taking her face out of her hands.

“Don’t worry about it, Andi,” Buffy reassured her. “I mean, we’re super close. It’s not like I found it weird or minded it or anything. You’re good.”

Andi let out a sigh of relief. “Oh thank goodness. I should go soon; I want to go check to see how Bex is doing in the midst of my familial chaos.”

Buffy nodded. “Go ahead. Keep me updated on this wild ride. I’m interested to see what happens,” she replied. “I mean, it’s  _ chaotic _ over there.”

“Thanks! As if I didn’t know my house was chaotic, Buffy!”

The two hugged goodbye as Andi left to go home. Buffy was now scrolling mindlessly through her phone when her phone dinged with a text message.

**Cyrus:** did you listen to the playlist??

**Me:** yeah some of it

**Cyrus:** thoughts?

**Me:** its… pretty relatable im not gonna lie

**Cyrus:** told you so. taters at the spoon in 30?

**Cyrus:** you can tell me about how things with andi were.

Buffy groaned before accepting his invite and getting dressed. She didn’t know what to tell him about Andi considering there was never going to be anything happening between them. Cyrus was probably going to ask about the sleepover, and how she felt about Andi and Jonah, and other things Buffy didn’t want to show emotion over. But she needed to open up about it to someone. If she didn’t, she was probably going to explode.

She met Cyrus at a table, a basket of baby taters already there. He was always the first to arrive. It impressed her, to be honest. She had to tell him to be there fifteen minutes after their actual meet time to be sure he wouldn’t ruin the surprise of her return.

“So, tell me everything,” Cyrus smiled excitedly. He was practically vibrating. “How was your sleepover with Andi? Did anything exciting or fun happen?”

“Not really,” Buffy sighed. “She talked about her family stuff and her new relationship with  _ Jonah _ . Sometime during the night, she had wrapped her arms around me in her sleep which was… nice. But it didn’t mean anything. She was sleeping.”

“If I cuddled with Jonah when I still liked him, I would have gone into cardiac arrest,” Cyrus laughed. “I’m amazed you’re still standing honestly.”

Cyrus’s words were met with a scoff. “Like I said, it didn’t mean anything. She didn’t even realize she was doing it. Besides, when she woke up and  _ saw _ , she was mortified and embarrassed!”

“Alright, alright, it doesn’t mean anything,” Cyrus put his hands up in defeat. “I was just saying… Buffy?”

Buffy had zoned out of the conversation with Cyrus when she saw, outside of the window of the Spoon, Andi and Jonah walking down the street hand in hand. The look on her face registered heartbreak; she tried to contain it but it was spilling over.

“Are you okay?” Cyrus placed a hand on her arm.

“Hey, Cyrus? How did it feel, when you liked Jonah, and you saw him and Andi together like that?” Buffy asked, her face and body rigid.

Cyrus sighed, wearing a sad expression as he looked at her. “Like this. It felt almost exactly like this. But you survive. I think.”

Buffy absentmindedly picked up a tater and dropped it back into the basket. “I’m not really… in the mood for baby taters today,” she said.

“That’s fair,” Cyrus told her. “I’ll just pay and we can head out. It gets better with time; I promise. You were there for me; I’ll be here for you.”

Buffy laid her head on Cyrus’s shoulder. “Thanks, Cyrus. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Cyrus grinned at her. “Just another service I provide.”

When they stepped outside of the Spoon, Buffy and Cyrus just so  _ happened  _ to have the wonderful luck of running into the new couple they had been trying to avoid. Buffy smiled at them the best she could.

“What are you guys doing here?” she asked.  _ I thought I saw you guys walking past it in another direction _ , she added to herself, not wanting to voice her petty thoughts out loud.

“We were on a walk and got hungry. Well, I got hungry. Apparently Jonah had the sense to eat before he left,” Andi replied with a small laugh. “It’s funny, if I lived with Cece, I would have  _ never  _ left the house without eating first. What about you?”

“We were just finishing up grabbing a bite to eat. I’ve got errands to run with my dad later. Still resetting up the house as you saw,” Buffy lied. It wasn’t a  _ complete _ lie. She did need to help her dad; it just wasn’t her motivations for leaving the situation. “Speaking of which, I gotta go. My dad will get stubborn and do it all himself if I don’t help him.”

“Oh,” Andi’s voice had a trace of… disappointment? “It’s okay. I’ll see you later?”

“Yeah. See you later,” Buffy and Andi walked in separate directions, away from each other.

As she walked away from Andi, she turned back to look at her. Part of her dismissed it as wishful thinking or hallucination, but she  _ knew,  _ truly  _ knew _ , that Andi had looked back to see her too. 


End file.
